Wedding Gifts: they can tell you something about commitment
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A wedding is one of the biggest milestones in a couple’s life - at least it should be. But it is just that - another milestone. There will be many more if the marriage lasts and it should be the goal of every couple to make their marriage last a lifetime. Marriage ought to be a long time project that must be managed on a day to day basis, with both mid term and long term goals. If it is not treated as a project with the man and woman as the two principles partners, problems will set in as soon as the guests depart at the evening party or very soon after the honeymoon.
Many things can go wrong in the aftermath of the wedding ceremony to spell doom for the marriage. In this hub, I want to dwell on an attitude towards the gifts that are received by the newly wed couple. Hopefully a newly married couple will learn something here that will inoculate their marriage against mistrust and lack of commitment early enough.
Most invited guests will usually buy a gift for the newly weds. These gifts will be packaged nicely and neatly with wrapping paper and either handed directly to the couple at the reception high table, or registered at the gifts booth or tent. Some guests will even put a check or cash in an envelope and present it as a gift. In many cases, families of the couple get together and buy a single expensive gift like a cooker, fridge or even a car.
Who gave the better gift ? - Even if the couple come from the same social circles, one side is likely to give better or more expensive gifts. It is only human for one of the partners to note that it is his/her friends or family that gave the better or more expensive gifts. This should never be allowed to be an issue and if it must be stated, never ina fit of anger otherwise a seed of discord will have surely been planted.
Problems arise in two other ways;
1. One of the marriage partners receives a big cash gift or very expensive object but keeps it as a secret.
The couple should know that the gifts were given to both of them. If they had not chosen to marry, things would have been different. One of the marriage partners may have a sense of entitlement, perhaps because the expensive gift or object was given by his/her own relatives or friends. Marriage is like a business partnership so all gifts should be declared and the couple should plan together on how best they will be used. If the gift causes an early misunderstanding, it is better to give it away or sell it to save the marriage. Marriage is about Love, trust and commitment. While one can trust total strangers, it is unlikely that love with flourish where trust has been seriously compromised. Where trust has been compromised, commitment will surely wane.
1. One of the marriage partners receives a big cash gift or very expensive object but keeps it as a secret.
The couple should know that the gifts were given to both of them. If they had not chosen to marry, things would have been different. One of the marriage partners may have a sense of entitlement, perhaps because the expensive gift or object was given by his/her own relatives or friends. Marriage is like a business partnership so all gifts should be declared and the couple should plan together on how best they will be used. If the gift causes an early misunderstanding, it is better to give it away or sell it to save the marriage. Marriage is about Love, trust and commitment. While one can trust total strangers, it is unlikely that love with flourish where trust has been seriously compromised. Where trust has been compromised, commitment will surely wane.
Unless the couple agree together that opening and making use of the gift can wait, the partner who would rather all the gifts are opened and utilized will feel bad for as long as the gift remains underutilized. While there may be a good reason not to use the gift immediately, keeping it for over 12 months will definitely strain the marriage. The offended partner will wonder if the other partner hopes to make away with a fairly new item if and when the marriage fails. Which would mean that one person has a foot in the marriage, and another foot outside the marriage.
I know of a situation where one partner did not want an expensive carpet to be used, supposedly because the couple planned to move into a bigger house later. The marriage broke down and the one coveting the expensive carpet made away with it, still brand new plus many other gifts that had been meant for both of them.
In another example, an expensive gas/electric cooker was not declared to one partner for over ten years. The marriage also ended on the rocks and the conniving one had a brand new cooker to use in a new home.
From the examples above, it is clear that gifts can be an early source of mistrust in a marriage. Hoarded gifts and other property can be a sign that one partner is really not serious about the marriage. Couples should ensure that trust is planted early and nurtured throughout their lives. God’s intention for man is for marriage to be a lasting union and not a temporary fraternity.
If you have any hoarded gifts, declare them today with apologies and reap the happiness that comes with reduced baggage.
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